Navigating Disordered Eating During the Holidays

Molly Lankford
Dec 18, 2024
5 min read

Eating Disorders During the Holidays: Real Talk and Tips

The holiday season, while often a time for celebration, can be incredibly challenging for individuals struggling with eating disorders. Between food-focused gatherings and triggering family dynamics, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Navigating these stressors requires empathy, understanding, and preparation. Here’s how to support yourself or a loved one during this season.

Understanding the Challenges

Holidays often amplify the challenges of an eating disorder:

Food Anxiety: The pressure to eat "unsafe" or triggering foods.
Food-Centric Gatherings: Events like Thanksgiving and Christmas revolve around meals, making it tough for those who struggle with disordered eating.
Family Dynamics: Comments on appearance, weight, or eating habits, whether well-meaning or critical, can feel deeply hurtful.
Body Comments: Out-of-town relatives or even immediate family members might comment on your appearance—whether it’s about weight gain, weight loss, or even just how you look. These comments, even if well-intentioned, can be deeply triggering.
Societal Pressure: The expectation to look a certain way or showcase a "perfect" life adds to the stress.
Family Tension: When emotions run high during the holidays, stress from family dynamics can compound the challenges of managing an eating disorder. For some, supportive family efforts might feel more like pressure or criticism.

As one person shared:

“Being forced to eat ‘unsafe foods’ just had me hating myself. I ended up purging and staying up all night exercising because of what they made me eat.”

2. Finding Solace Amid the Stress

Sometimes, extended family members or chosen family can provide a surprising sense of safety and understanding. One person shared:

“My grandparents asked me to eat but didn’t force me to. It was a nice change from my everyday battle with my mom and dad. For once, I could see they cared without yelling at me.”

Pro Tip: Having safe foods available can make a world of difference. If steamed broccoli is what feels safe, have a big bowl of it—and don’t try to sneak butter or cheese in. Trust is key.

3. Navigating Triggers

The holidays can amplify old wounds or create new ones. Whether it’s a sister’s “perfect size 2” figure or a mom’s not-so-subtle comment about your love handles, the pressure can feel relentless.

In therapy, reframing these moments can help:

Recognize that body-shaming comments often reflect the speaker’s own insecurities.
Understand that food doesn’t have morality—there’s no “good” or “bad” food, and eating doesn’t determine your worth.
Boundaries are also vital but be prepared for family to walk over them.

4. What Loves Ones Can Do

If you’re a family member or friend of someone with an eating disorder, here’s how to help:

Do:

Provide safe food options without judgment.
Encourage trying new foods in a gentle way.
Offer support and love without attaching morality to eating habits or body image.
Offer a variety of foods, including "safe" options.
Encourage without pressuring. Let them explore food at their own pace.
Focus on the person, not their body. Compliment their character, accomplishments, or efforts.

Don’t:

Force them to eat.
Comment on their body, weight, or appearance—this includes positive comments about weight loss.
Sneak ingredients into their safe foods or pressure them to eat certain things.
Don’t comment on their weight, appearance, or food choices. Even positive remarks can be harmful.
Avoid forcing them to eat or sneakily altering their food—it erodes trust.
Don’t dismiss their feelings or minimize their struggles.

Remember, you don’t know their internal struggles. A well-meaning comment like “You look great!” could unintentionally reinforce disordered eating habits.

5. Self-Compassion During the Holidays

Self-compassion is a cornerstone for navigating holiday stress. A few things to remember:

One meal won’t change your body. Try to focus on the love and connection at gatherings rather than the food itself.
It’s okay to set boundaries. Whether it’s leaving the room, skipping a meal, or asking family not to comment on your body, prioritize your emotional well-being.
Have an ally. A supportive friend or family member can help you feel less alone.
You wouldn't say those things to your friend. Sometimes it's important to remember to treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
Healing isn't a straight line. Accept that recovery isn’t linear, and setbacks are part of the journey.

6. Dispelling Myths

Myth: Holiday weight gain is inevitable and shameful.

Truth: Bodies fluctuate naturally, and one meal or one season does not define health.
Myth: Talking about someone's weight loss is always a compliment.

Truth: Weight loss can stem from health issues or unhealthy habits, making such comments harmful.

Guidance for Those in Recovery

1. Prepare Yourself for the Environment

Anticipate triggering situations, like comments about your body or food choices. Reframing such remarks as reflections of the speaker’s insecurities can help.
Set boundaries ahead of time. If you feel comfortable, let loved ones know that comments about your appearance or eating habits are off-limits.

2. Prioritize Self-Compassion

Remind yourself that one meal or one day will not define your recovery journey.
Focus on the non-food aspects of the holidays, like connection, love, and shared experiences.

3. Have a Plan

Bring safe foods to gatherings or ensure they’re available. Being able to eat something familiar can make the experience less stressful.
Enlist an ally—a friend or family member who understands your situation and can offer discreet support during challenging moments.

Therapist Perspective: Tackling Common Themes

1. Family Dynamics

Holidays can amplify strained relationships. Therapy often focuses on helping clients set boundaries and reframe unkind remarks as projections of others' issues rather than truths.

2. Societal Pressure

Acknowledging that there’s no morality attached to food or weight is essential. Encouraging clients to detach their self-worth from these external pressures can be empowering.

3. Scripts and Strategies

Clients can practice saying:

"I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather not discuss my body or food choices."
"I’m focusing on enjoying time with everyone today, not on my plate."

Final Thoughts

Holidays are an opportunity for connection, but they can also be fraught with challenges for individuals with eating disorders. By fostering understanding, offering thoughtful support, and focusing on compassion, we can create an environment that uplifts rather than isolates.

7. Final Thoughts

Navigating the holidays with an eating disorder is incredibly challenging, but you don’t have to face it alone. Seek support, set boundaries, and show yourself kindness. Your worth is not defined by what you eat or how you look, and you deserve a holiday season that feels safe and joyful.

If you’re struggling, resources like the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) hotline (1-800-931-2237) are available for support.

Remember: You’re not alone, and you’re worthy of love and understanding—this holiday season and always.