Home for the Holidays (and Hoping to Survive)

Surviving the Holidays with Opposing Political Views 

The holidays are supposed to be about connection and joy—but let’s be real. After an election, family gatherings can feel like walking into the lion’s den of political tension. Especially after this election. 50.0% vs 48.3% split? Yikes. Statistically, someone at the table is bound to disagree with you.

Luckily, my parents are super chill for retirees (shoutout to the hippie movement for raising decent boomers), but not everyone has that kind of luck. For many, these differences go beyond minor debates about taxes or infrastructure—they touch on core values, safety, and deeply held beliefs. 

If you’re dreading the holidays because of political divides—or if you’ve decided that going no-contact is the safest choice—you’re not alone. Let’s talk about navigating family conflict with your peace of mind intact. 

When “Different Views” Cross the Line 

Disagreeing on political policies? Manageable. Facing comments that dehumanize or dismiss your identity, rights, or existence? That’s a whole other ballgame. 

We all know the drill: Uncle Jethro gets homophobic after two beers. Aunt Lydia is a little too Aunt Lydia when the topic of women’s rights comes up. Great Aunt Beatrice? Her casual racism makes you wonder how she even gets invited. 

If someone’s views attack the LGBTQ+ community, immigrants, people of color, disabled individuals, or other marginalized groups—or if they gaslight your lived experiences—spending time with them isn’t just awkward. It’s harmful. 

You don’t owe anyone your presence, especially if their words or actions harm you emotionally, mentally, or physically. Setting boundaries is not just allowed; it’s essential. And if boundaries aren’t enough, going no-contact is a valid choice. 

No-Contact: When It’s the Right Choice 

Cutting ties with family is no small decision, especially during the holidays. But for some, it’s the only path to safety and healing. 

Signs you might consider going no-contact:

• They repeatedly ignore your boundaries or use gatherings to spout harmful rhetoric. 

• Being around them leaves you anxious, drained, or unsafe. 

• They refuse to respect your identity or humanity. 

It’s not your job to educate or fix them at the expense of your peace. And if someone’s behavior escalates into harassment—like stalking or boundary-pushing narcissistic tactics—have a plan to protect yourself, whether that means seeking legal advice, cutting off communication, or leaning on your support network. 

Pro tip: Choosing to go no-contact doesn’t have to be permanent. It’s okay to reevaluate if circumstances change—but only if it’s on your terms.

Feeling Guilty About Going No-Contact? 

It’s natural to feel conflicted about stepping away from family, especially when societal norms say “family is everything.” But guilt often comes from internalized expectations—not reality. 

Reframe the narrative. You’re not abandoning family; you’re prioritizing your mental health.

Remember your boundaries. They are there for a reason. Trust your decision.

Talk it out. Process feelings of guilt with a therapist or trusted friend who can remind you why this choice is valid. 

If You’re Attending Anyway 

Sometimes, skipping the gathering isn’t an option—or maybe you want to maintain some level of connection despite the tension. Here’s how to survive: 

1. Set Boundaries Beforehand

Be clear about off-limits topics: “Let’s keep politics off the table this year, okay?” 

Have prepared responses for when things heat up: “I’m not discussing this,” or, “Let’s agree to disagree.” 

Boundaries can be tricky, especially if you’re a recovering people-pleaser or if your family loves to test limits (looking at you, Uncle Jethro). But practice makes perfect, and even imperfect boundaries are better than none. 

2. Plan for Escape Routes

Sit next to someone you trust. 

Step outside for fresh air or text a friend for backup if things get heated. 

I'm a big fan of purposefully drinking so much water that I have to run to the restroom constantly (or, you know, escape).

For extended stays? Pack running clothes. Trust me. I don't care if you run, but this week you might suddenly be a runner. Who knows? Maybe you 'run' for hours. Maybe I've pretended I was training for a marathon once, and maybe I haven't. The point is, no one will ever know. Nonexistent marathons are great for dodging tense conversations and getting alone time.

3. Redirect the Conversation 

Come armed with neutral topics: favorite holiday movies, funny childhood memories (if safe to revisit), or even memes. 

Use humor, but only if it feels comfortable and appropriate. 

4. Know When to Leave

 If boundaries are crossed repeatedly, it’s okay to walk out. 

Reminder: You’re not ruining the holiday by leaving. They ruined it by ignoring your boundaries. Leaving isn't hurting anyone. (Just try to leave before calling Aunt Lydia a fascist bi... anyway.)

Coping With the Emotional Fallout 

Even if things go relatively smoothly, family tension can take a toll. After the gathering: 

Decompress. Journal, talk to a friend, or vent to your therapist (hello, shameless self-promotion!).

Practice self-care. Take a long bath, binge your favorite show, or spend quality time with a pet.

Reaffirm your worth. You’re enough as you are, no matter how they made you feel. 

If You Feel Unsafe 

Sometimes political differences go beyond “disagreement” and enter the realm of genuine danger. If this applies to your situation:

Trust your gut. If it doesn’t feel safe, don’t go.

Have an exit strategy. Drive yourself, stay somewhere neutral, or keep your phone charged for emergencies.

Lean on support systems. Whether it’s a hotline, a friend, or a professional, don’t hesitate to ask for help. 

Redefining the Holidays 

If traditional gatherings bring more stress than joy, consider creating your own traditions: 

• Host a “Friendsgiving” or spend the day with chosen family.

• Volunteer for a cause that aligns with your values.

• Celebrate solo—or with your pets (yes, cats count as family). 

• Or ditch Thanksgiving altogether and celebrate “Death to Colonizers Day.” Just saying. 

Final Thoughts 

You don’t owe anyone your peace, especially not at the cost of your emotional health. This holiday season, focus on your needs. Whether that means setting boundaries, walking away, or finding joy in new traditions, know this: 

You are enough, just as you are. You’re brave for standing up for yourself and living authentically, no matter how tough it gets and no matter how unsupportive people are around you.

And if no one else says it? I’m proud of you.